Opinion: Finding Hope with HIV on World AIDS Day

Diane Delph-Tinglin of Far Rockaway is a Lead Trainer at The Alliance for Positive Change. Photo credit by David Nager/Alliance.

By Diane Delph-Tinglin

Special to the Eagle 

I vividly remember the day I was diagnosed with HIV. It was a normal trip to my doctor, and I felt fine — like a healthy 22-year-old. Then, I was called into the doctor’s office and my life suddenly took a drastic turn.

I remember my doctor’s words as if they happened yesterday: “We ran the test twice and the result was the same. I’m so sorry — you have HIV.”

This seemed inconceivable. I had been with the same partner for the past three years. I had never injected drugs. I was so young. What happened? Would I have to spend the rest of my life in and out of hospitals? How much longer did I even have to Live?

Those first days, weeks and months were filled with anger and frustration. I felt my life was over. I felt betrayed by my partner, who had concealed his HIV status. I moved out abruptly and was on my own. My entire world had collapsed in such a short period of time, and I felt completely, utterly alone, without anyone to lean on for support.

That isolation was crippling, and even now I am unsure where I found the strength to take control of my life. It likely started when I had the realization that HIV did not have to be a death sentence, that I just needed to accept the fact that this would be with me for the rest of my life and that every decision I made moving ahead would affect my health and my well-being.

That meant I first had to accept my HIV status, and realize that I was still the same person, an individual who could summon the willpower to take control of my future. It also meant I needed to find a community of others who understood my situation, and had been down that road and made positive change.

I found that compassion through peer navigators from The Alliance for Positive Change. These were people who had experienced similar health challenges, and trained to fan out across New York City to connect with people like me. They assured me that HIV was not the final chapter, but a new chapter. They helped me find a doctor, took me to appointments, and helped me develop a medication regimen.

What I needed most — and which helped the most — was that they met me where I was on my journey.

It has been a decade since I first spoke with a peer. I became a peer, too, serving as a source of comfort and knowledge to others with HIV. This is how I believe we are going to help end the HIV and AIDS epidemic, not just through medical advancements and preaching about safe sex, but through credible messengers such as peers (which Alliance has been training for more than 25 years). These ambassadors work in communities throughout our city that need it most, and their work to connect vulnerable people to care is really helping to end this horrible Epidemic.

The advances are real. Our governor recently announced that New York State has made significant strides towards ending the epidemic, and that is heartening to hear. If only this were happening uniformly throughout our communities, our country, and our world.

I still worry about the stigma that prevents many people from coming forward to seek help, or, sadly, remaining off medication that could make the HIV virus undetectable and therefore untransmittable.

As we approach World AIDS Day on December 1, I consider how my life has changed, and the lives of those around me who committed to change. I am now happily married to a man who is HIV negative. I have a home, a career as a staff member at Alliance, and a community.

It wasn’t easy to write this and be so public. But in doing so, I hope that this in some way helps to erase the stigma about HIV and motivate those who are now facing similar fears about their future to seek support.

Hope comes in many forms. It came to me when I found others who had already navigated the road I had found myself on. It came to me when I realized that HIV did not mean I was worthless. And it came to me when I embraced a sense of purpose, one that now can enrich the lives of others and inevitably lead to an end of the epidemic.

Diane Delph-Tinglin of Far Rockaway is a Lead Trainer at The Alliance for Positive Change.